Struggling with Writer’s Doubt

Yesterday was a rough writing day for me.

So far this entire process has been pretty great! Sure there were a few moments in drafting it all out that I was a little

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But overall things were pretty:

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Yesterday though, seven chapters into my revisions, I started to feel it.

That creepy little fiend called self doubt.

I started looking at my manuscript thinking,

“This thing sucks.”

“No one will ever want to read this.”

“I am wasting my time.”

“Everyone probably just thinks I’m a dumb housewife with a stupid hobby.”

“I’m not good enough.”

“I’m delusional to think I could write a good book.”

“I suck.”

That, coupled with the fact I still can’t find another literary agency internship, just had me feeling all:

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This whole process is frightening for me on so many levels because this is what I’ve always wanted to do with my life. If I suck at it, who am I? If I fail at it, I will have to completely change the way I view myself and my dreams. Talk about a worldview shift.

So what can I do to battle self-doubt?

KEEP WRITING.

Don’t give up.

Push through my insecurity and keep pushing back.

I don’t want to be blindly confidant, but I want to be grounded in courage.

Because even if I doubt myself at times and I’m scared to fail at something I love so much, the only way to get to the other side of this process is to:

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The Revision Process

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I’ve been living and breathing the revision process for the last few weeks and it’s been a whole new experience.

It’s one thing to be able to set word count goals and knock them out day by day, but to sit down and begin shading in a book – chapter by chapter – is a lot harder than it seems.

“Think globally”

People have told me and that has been the thing I have been focusing on.

This weekend I have tackled the first six chapters. I have some revision notes from my CP, which have helped tremendously and now I’m just trying to clean up the dialogue and make sure things sound right – as well as fleshing out the setting and the characters. I just have a few more sections to re-write and then I want to send it over to my CP for her to take a look at this chunk in its entirety.

The cool thing about revising is watching the shading happen before my eyes. For example:

  • Draft #0.5 (which was really a glorified outline) had the first section at 3 chapters and it was around 4,000  words.
  • Draft #1 had it at 7 chapters and was about 8,500 words.
  • Draft #2 has it at 6 chapters and about 13,000 words.

See, it’s so fun how it’s evolving! Have I mentioned I love writing? 🙂

I’ve also decided to never fully delete anything. I just copy it and paste it into a file called – deleted sections. I know, super amazing revising advice right there. Take note. 🙂

Through all of this, I am for sure identifying with the saying, writing is re-writing!

The hardest part right now is thinking and talking about something else other than my 2 year old’s bathroom routine (he’s potty training) and my book. I’ve definitely been alienating people lately, but I guess that’s the life of a writer in the thick of it.

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A New Project and Revisions

So I am starting on revisions of my YA thriller and I’ve been having some trouble trying to get into a rhythm. I am a part of an awesome YA Writers Reddit and I posed the question of how people tackle revisions and I got so many great responses! Here is the thread I started if you’re interested. I love this Reddit because it’s such an eclectic mix of publishing professionals, published writers and those in the process of writing their first novel and everyone writes YA.

So my CP Ashley and I have been exchanging a few chapters at a time and helping each other out. Actually, I really should be working on my stuff to send to her instead of writing this blog, but oh well! 🙂

Then to complicate my life to the extreme, I’ve started a new project. It’s a young MG novel about a 9 year old girl who meets a time traveling horse who has been sent back to help her set things back in place.

A new book AND revisions? It sort of makes me go:

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But then I am finding that it is actually inspiring me as well. When I get stuck on revisions, I flip over to my MG book and vice versa. I’ve completed a detailed outline and the first three chapters, so it’s moving right along.

I guess the old mantra is true

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Saturday = Writing Day

After a particularly busy week of work (I copyedit part-time), I finally have had a chance to come up for air.

In addition to all the work the last few weeks, I decided to complicate my life by:

  1. Potty training my 2 1/2 year old;
  2. the same week my kids got out of school for the summer.

Add these things to the fact my husband started a new job so he has a new schedule and my dog is in heat. With all this going on, you can imagine I am ready for life to calm the freak down.

But it won’t and I’m fine with that. It’s how I like it.

I am happy though because today I’ve been able to start revising my newest project Justice. I hate that title by the way, but I’m tired of calling WIP (work-in-progress) so Justice it is. At least until I can come up with a better name.

I’ve also been able to start communicating with some potential critique partners today. I’m a little early for critique partners since I’ve only done one draft, but I love the community of writers and I know I can get inspired from others inspiration (that sounds corney, but it’s true).

So here we go, into the first revisions on my first novel! This is exciting!! Wish me luck!